Specialist of the U. of the Pacific advises parents separated so that the holiday does not turn into conflict, and for that, on the contrary, they may be a place to share, unwind and have fun, both for them and for their children.
The summer holidays are one of the most eagerly awaited seasons for children, mainly for those who are of school age. Symbolize the cessation of the college, the union with groups of friends, freedom from the schedules and the expected family outings. However, this longing child may have some setbacks when it comes to children of separated parents, mainly during the first period of the separation, by the little experience they have, both the parents and the children, to take on the different scenarios that must be faced.
Susana Arancibia, professor of the School of Social Work from the University of the Pacific and a specialist in conflict resolution and family mediation, posits that “in these families, the usual recreational summer should see some modifications so that all its members can experience pleasure and not be transformed into a complex situation only by the absence of the agreement, of foresight or experience. In other words, adults must facilitate the divorce has the least possible impact on the lives of their children and vacations are an important part of that.”
For the achievement of this end, the expert points out parents should know how to negotiate and reach agreements for the benefit of the whole family, without stopping to consider that the children have something to say and should be heard. “This single appreciation opens a world of possibilities for communication between parents and children, as each child has an idea or fantasy of their holidays, primarily with the parent or non-custodial. It is very important that each parent can discuss with their children to explore and to delimit the level of expectations, establishing criteria of reality, since this may be the first point of disenchantment and misunderstanding between adults and children,” he says.
The faculty of the U. of the Pacific adds that the children need to know with clarity the place, time of stay, date of return to home, people with whom you will share and even possible modifications, as in every journey, like in life, there is always the possibility that things do not happen as expected. “Planning, then, constitutes a central point, generating the certainty necessary for you to enjoy with peace of mind the time of summer. In addition, this is a very good instance to teach the practice to our children to have a positive attitude towards the various events that they live and learn to enjoy the company of the other, regardless of the place in which they are located. It means to appreciate the fact of being together”, he says.
Susana indicates that it is very important to reassure the children, saying that the father or mother who stays at home will be good during the period in which they vaccination. “We need to decrease the feelings of anguish and guilt that can come to feel by leaving one of their parents ‘only’. In this sense, both parents must make a joint effort for the benefit of his children”, he emphasizes.
However, despite all the safeguards taken by the parents, the children may feel sad, angry or even abandoned, particularly if it is the first time that they come out of vacation after the separation. “In such circumstances, it is very important to let the child express his or her emotions. These are legitimate and it is a time to be safe and protected to manifest them. The adult must overcome his own expectations and accompany their children in this transit; you must assume that they are definitely a different type of vacation,” he explains.
Therefore, recommended to be patient and learn to listen actively to the children. “This will be a collective learning, with the understanding that in life always happen in events that we cannot change. However, the way in which the face, the attitude that we have in front of them, will be the true success or failure of our existence and that is the best gift that we can offer you in the holidays to our children,” concludes the professor of the School of Social Work from the University of the Pacific, Susana Arancibia.