In this article I will comment on the dire consequences of the discussions in the children.
If that is the environment in which you're raising your children, you must learn to control and change your patterns of behavior.
Consequences on their emotional growth
Discussions of parenting may disrupt profoundly the emotional aspect of the child. A tense atmosphere to the interior of the home generates problems such as anxiety, undermining the self-esteem. Can also occur to aggressive behavior, played later the same patterns learned in their family.
Other implications are related to feelings of insecurity in the child, since the fights to introduce him in a volatile environment. On the contrary, when at home do not live in conflict, psychological development takes in a healthy way.
While the discussions will be live in all pairs, the important thing is to alienate the small of the place where they occur.
Effects of the fights
In the newborn
Although do not think about it, the discussions of a couple affect the little baby. The newborn absorbs the emotions of their parents through various channels, either by voice or body language.
The shoot not only perceives the love of their fathers, but that it is able to feel the tension, anger, or aggressiveness. When discussions occur every day, in addition to the affective, resent the care that parents should provide to his son, occupying much of his time in resolving conflicts and re-discuss.
In the preschool
To not develop even at the level of language, most things should not be transmitted verbally. Before a discussion, the more likely it is that the small cry and get heartbroken.
The child is not able to understand in totality what is happening with their parents. Therefore, do not understand the discussion topics, or who has the reason of the two. Even, might tend to take party by one of their parents or think that the fight is due to something that he did.
Other reactions may be refusal to meddle in family affairs, the indifference or feelings of abandonment. If the fight is violent, the child may think that something very bad will happen to you to see him look more weak, who is usually the mother. Also, you can grab them by fear of their parents.
The discomfort experienced is evidence in other psychosomatic symptoms, such as disturbances of sleep or eating disorders. And a consequence severe is the backtracking to previous states of development, as you start getting pee on top or become aggressive to the play or draw.
In the school
In this period the child is able to understand a little better what happens around you-and to position themselves in the world. Discussions can cause distress, anxiety or feelings of guilt as well as shame and lack of self-esteem. Somehow the parents make him understand that he is not the center of your attention.
His handling of emotions and learning in the college, as well as their grades can be affected.
Avoid arguing in front of the children
A premise that parents must internalize is that you should never fight with the children present. If you are with them in their home and need to discuss something, it is best to have patience or go for a while to another room.
This is not to be unrealistic and think that will never be discussed, rather, should ensure that children do not get into conflicts, nor to listen to the arguments. It is one thing to perceive that something is wrong and the other is to listen to strong words or expressions that scare them or may misinterpret.
Regarding this point, keep in mind that kids take everything very literally, so if you listen to your mom or dad saying something like, “I got tired, I don't want more!”, will be immersed in a sea of insecurity, thinking that their parents are on the brink of breakup or divorce.
On the other hand, there are those who think that if dads often discussed, the children may end up getting used to that dynamic of discussions, small and frequent, but the reality is that these are the people that create a family atmosphere unstable, clouding the happiness that should exist in the marriage and the home.
As the child needs to feel that you have controlled the situation, you may fail to express their true needs, fearing that any issue will cause a fight or disagreement, whether it is a problem in the school or any member of the family.
Parents are the most important point of reference for the children and these should remember to be tempted to exploit their anger in front of them. If one of the parents abuses you verbally or physically to the other, it will cause a wound so deep that it could wreak havoc on the personality and the adult life of the child. First of all, they should avoid behaviors disrespectful and aggressive with a spouse or partner.
Aid to families
When there is a more serious problem in the relationship, it may be useful to a couple therapy. Thanks to the intervention of a professional can improve the communication and recover the balance in the relationship, recognizing the positive qualities that each has. If the parents decide to separate, then these therapies can make the transition less traumatic for the children.
It recommends family therapy for cases in which the child misbehaves or develops psychosomatic symptoms more serious. The therapist will treat the child and also to the other members of the family to ensure that they are carried harmoniously.
How to troubleshoot the effects of a discussion
If parents strive for, but still end up arguing in front of their children, it is vital that they explain the situation, as to ignore what has happened can make you troubled and do. They must ensure that they have discussed does not mean that they have ceased to love each other. The child must be able to trust in the love that exists in the couple and the affection that they have for him.
To create a safe and secure environment, parents can organize a panorama in family, revealing the love you have. If you play with your children and laugh together, they feel more confident. But this is not pretend, as children are smart and realize the demonstrations of affection that are not sincere.
What you need to avoid
Never goals the child in the conflict, either by discrediting the other, or use it as a messenger or intermediary.
Seeks by all means don't discuss at bedtime, because the concerns may prevent your child drift into sleep and sleep peacefully.