Cries, screams and a lot of anger are the typical characteristics of the temper tantrums of children, that is certainly every parent has had that experience more than once, but that are not always understood in their full. What to do in these cases? An expert addresses this problem of the development.
As you read the word “tantrums” comes to mind the image of a little girl or boy out of control, kicking, crying, screaming and demanding the attention of an adult, you don't always know how to react to this episode. “Perhaps, most of those times have been able to stay calm, making him teaching him how to process his emotion. Perhaps, many others, you may have felt overwhelmed, and challenged the king harshly or by sending it to your piece, while you're looking for regain your self-control,” says the psychologist of the Directorate of Student Affairs of the University of the Pacific, Carolina, Pollman.
The specialist stated that when we are faced with parenting is normal that questions arise about the best way to handle certain situations with the children and, among them, there are the temper tantrums, which can make us feel sometimes confused about what is the best strategy to ensure that children grow up healthy and happy. “In addition, it is common to hear even today comments alluding to that the children are going to spoil if you put them attention when they do temper tantrums,” adds the expert.
So, what to do? “From the psychology, it is clear the relevance of a secure attachment in child development. Attachment refers to the primary need of infants and young children to establish relationships warm and solid and close with their caregivers, being able to be the mother, the father or another caregiver. The human being is born dependent and helpless, by what babies and children need that closeness, care, love and protection to survive. Both require breathing or feeding, they need to develop deep links, in which you feel content,” explains the professional.
Is in that secure relationship and intimate where they learn that their emotional needs are worthy of being considered and experience as important people. “That is to say, where you are able to lay the foundation for self-esteem and for the establishment of relations nutrition with others. Alone or away from the adult, they simply cannot regulate their emotions and meet their needs,” says the psychologist from the U. of Pacific.
That is why it is important to respond to the call of the children. “When children (babies and toddlers) feel that they are seen and that their needs are considered and attended to, they learn to regulate their stress, as it can be in front of an inner feeling of discomfort appears when they are hungry, cold, loneliness, pain, sleep, fear of a loud noise, etc, developing attachment behaviors –such as crying or calling– that allow them to call the attention of the caregiver, and to receive, in the case of a relationship of attachment is healthy, closeness, care, and comfort”, poses Carolina Pollman.
A caregiver is sensitive and responsive to the temper tantrums of the child and other signs of dysregulation of emotional, be made to turn behaviors aimed to calm and reduce your stress. “It is good to hug him, to accompany him, to make him love you, help you to temporarily change your focus of attention and talk to him to calm down,” he suggests.
On the contrary, if you do not do this type of actions, the only thing that is accomplished is to increase the stress. “If as parents we believe that the tantrums are negative statements that children have to regulate themselves, as when we ship your piece so that you can spend a time-out or the challenge, the only thing that will accomplish is that the stress of children increase and, in addition, they will learn and internalizarán that when they feel bad and don't know how to ask for help, the caregiver is left alone,” warns the specialist.
Pollman added that when a child tantrums this is when you need the most to your mother, father or caregiver. “It requires you to see and consider, since you are showing that you can't handle your touch without your help. It requires trust in yourself and have the security that if something happens in the face of new challenges, as it is when you get scared, you fall or are concerned about, you can come to you and count with your help. From that founding experience will subsequently trust in other people and establish deep ties, learning to handle the stress,” he says.
It is therefore important that the adults in charge of these children also attend to their internal resources. “Any image, positive memory, phrase, or gesture, welcoming, learning about how significant other taught you in the past to regulate your emotions. For example, to remember that when I was feeling sad about something, my grandmother listened to me without asking a lot of questions, accompanied me and I was preparing milk roast”, advises the expert of the University of the Pacific.
To the psychologist it is important to make all efforts in this kind of situations. “Along with welcoming your son, in the measure that is going to grow, it's key to model appropriate ways of expressing your anger or upset, setting clear limits and helping you to put a name to their emotions and, thereby, identifying what you need to regain your peace of mind, a link that he feels like available and present,” he adds.
Also key is to use some type of help if this work is not easy. “If you evoke an experience containing personal in this time of life is difficult, you have every right to take some time to calm down and/or go to the support of other people if you see that you are feeling overcome, as being a father and a mother is something that we learn day-to-day,” concluded the psychologist of the University of the Pacific.