If the household has been reconstituted, it is a challenge to share the love of the new couple by their children and assume that you will become a mother figure.
And when you both have children, it becomes more difficult, as they must learn all to live together in peace. Jealousy, rivalries, and frustration are common, but you can have success. Read on to know how.
The dreaded stepmother
The term is always associated with the bad of the story, but in reality it is normal to assume that role.
Yes, you should put aside the bad intentions of the parents of the movies, like to put the new spouse on their part, without taking care for the good of the children.
To give the stepmother a positive role, it must put all the effort in being loving with them and not wanting the position that corresponds to the mother of the children.
On the other hand, this situation is complex for children because they do not chose your stepmother. Is more, they chose this new marriage.
What is more likely is that they are pained by the separation, and have mixed emotions, feeling herself in a conflict of loyalty with their mom, which by the way hardly you will see with good eyes the emergence of this new woman.
Then you will comment what you should not do and what advice to follow to get along well with the children of your new love:
Not to go too fast
Some women want everything to flow perfectly from the very beginning. So they put together scenarios for the guys or buy them everything they ask for, hoping that the wish of the night to the morning.
But the truth is you won't win the affection true, and only fosters ingratitude. After, not seeing the expected results, the frustration is greater and not fed a good relationship between stepmother and stepchildren.
The reality is that when you do not know clearly how to behave, it tends to exert a pressure to create a relationship with the children, but the only thing that is achieved with this is skipping stages, without giving them the time necessary for them to accept this new figure in his life.
The danger is that one could think that the care dispensed are fake and make you fall away more.
Tips: it takes time to create a real relationship. The key is in the sincerity and calm, things should progress naturally. The role of the stepmother must be defined in the family, according to the personality of it and the children, little by little.
Not to compete with the children
Other women will reproach her husband that pays a lot of attention to their children, feeling displaced and threatened by the family, even by the mom of the little ones.
However, it should be clear that by falling in love with a man with children, there will be to share it. It is simple, can not pretend to be fully available to them.
And if the father does not have guardianship, then these days they come visit, they are sacred to him, and it would not be fair to try to take that time with their children.
Otherwise, if you have to be in contact with the mother, you must be left, as they both remain parents of the children and they need us to decide on certain important issues.
Tips: you should review expectations and to identify the feelings that appear. If you feel a rivalry towards the child may be hiding an experience of a child that involves lack of affection from their own parents, who perhaps were not as available as would be expected.
First of all, the stepmother should not acquire childhood behavior, and if he realizes that there is some emotional problem associated, it is better to ask for help to a therapist.
Not victimization or haunt you
In other cases, the woman complains that the children are treated badly, they do not or are always on the side of the mother. Or you can refuse to talk to him, and all this without the father, seemingly, do anything.
However, the stepmother should understand the feelings of the children, as they are going through a separation, reuniting families, and conflicts of loyalty.
What you require the children of his stepmother is that she is able to put in their place instead of always complaining about what they do or fail to do.
Tips: you should think about how difficult it is for the children to live with a strange, and not assume that it is an affront to personal against them. And if the children indeed are hostile, do not think that you have anything against it, but rather that they are damaged by the divorce or separation of their parents.
It is not against the new woman that they have something, but rather against the idea of not having his parents together again.
Not to compete with the mother of the children
A last common situation is that the stepmother takes wrong with the ex-wife, coming to talk bad about her to their children.
It is normal to have butted heads and that they do not share their points of view, especially in aspects of education or upbringing.
In addition, although the new wife is not the mother of the children, the maternal instinct sometimes crops up unconsciously. Then, it may happen that you start to act like the mom, earning the rage of the mother.
Tips: first of all, you should not talk bad about mom in front of the children. You should always maintain a good dialogue, thinking about their well-being.
Each member of the family must take his place. Children need to feel comfortable in your home, confirming that you have the love of his parents and stepmother, learning to effectively manage their conflicts of loyalty.
It is very understandable that the stepmother is the one who it hard to find your role in this family restored, but with patience and following the tips above, you will go, thus earning the love of children, and strengthening the relationship with your husband.
The key is to harmonize the most of the situation, without depriving anyone of their important role in the new family nucleus.
In case the difficulties persist, it will be very appropriate to seek professional help to understand the reasons behind the failures. In this way, both marriage and the development of the children will not be affected.