If you have become to fall in love with, without a doubt, you feel butterflies in your stomach. But you might get nausea when thinking about telling your children. How do you do it without destabilizing the nuclear family?
So that the emotions don't betray, we will inform you of some precautions you should take before talking to your children about the new boyfriend and introduce him.
Do not treat your children as confidants
It is one thing to have a good relationship with your children and another to tell them everything; if you get used to talking aboveboard about your romantic relationships, can cause stress.
Keep in mind that the information about the amorous adventures of their parents is overwhelming for them. They are children and need to enjoy their childhood, do not get in a world that is not theirs.
Your interpretation of life is very different to yours, so that you are not able to separate or analyze the situation. And for no reason will pour out your sorrows and disappointments, as only you will trouble them.
Don't jump ahead to the present to the groom
Before you tell your children that you're in a new relationship, make sure it's serious and is formalized.
Think that the young have already suffered a separation, so that it would be very painful to re-experience another. This will only cause insecurity.
When you are sure that you project yourself with this new person, talk to the children, but not with so many details, little by little so they can assimilate.
Organizes the relationship and your home
A new boyfriend means to divide your time between your home and your relationship. If you share custody of your children, schedule your appointments when you're not with them, so that you do not feel that you leave.
In addition, you can go to a trusted couple to care for your children if you're going to get, as a nanny or grandparents. In that case, not to give so many explanations, tell them that you will leave with a friend.
Finally, avoid fights with your ex. The idea is that this new relationship will be free of behaviors associated toxic to the resentments of your previous marriage.
It was the day!
If you've decided to tell the children that you have a new love, you should do it gradually.
First say that you've met someone special, with whom you are very happy and want you know. Looking for a quiet moment, in which everyone feels comfortable and organized the event. It is ideal for a weekend, in an activity to the liking of the children.
Avoid doing it late a week day, as that could disturbed, and affect their school day following. Try not to alter a lot of their rhythms and routines. Think that in the first instance to them this new character is like an intruder coming to rob his mom.
Much attention is paid in this period to your expressions of affection to him in front of the children. Any change must be progressive.
If it becomes difficult
The reactions can be very diverse, so you can't expect everything to go well all of a sudden.
Maybe your children display hostile, indifferent, or capricious. How do you cope?
1. If it is hostile, you should put him in his place. Although you are not obliged to love your new boyfriend, yes you should be respectful. But understand that you probably feel that you are betraying your father if he shows loving with the new partner of mother.
2. If it is indifferent, do not push him. Time will help to forge links. The children are very keen observers and they don't like that force.
3. If it is capricious, it may be due to its immaturity. Above all children under the age of 6 years looking to draw attention with bad behaviors. You must give your attention for you to stop searching for it by these means.
In the case of youngsters and teenagers, it can be more complicated, because they also begin to lead a life of loving that is not always in good terms.
You may feel that your new partner wants to steal your time or that it affects your intimacy, so they rebel completely.
Or maybe that you do not want to face the reality of your sexuality, feeling uncomfortable. In these cases, you can communicate with him, accept his perspective, and hope that the time you do have a position that is more positive.