Valentine's day is not the only time to speak of love, a psychologist, discusses if children fall in love, and feel love just like adults, in addition, the expert delivery recommendations for parents. On the 14th of February, the adults celebrate your love with your partner, but what about the smaller ones? Do you really kids can fall in love with?
Expert: Guila Sosman, professor of the School of Psychology of the University of the Pacific.
When you think of the first lover that we have had certainly the list begins with the or the companion pre-kindergarten or the neighbor or the neighbor. The question is really, that feeling was a real infatuation.
“Yes, it is possible for children to fall in love with from a very young age. From preschool, between 3 and 5 years, ‘fall in love’ from their parents, they want to be engaged with the dad or the mom, which is completely normal and part of the psychosexual development. This is what is known from psychoanalysis such as the Oedipus complex, when the child is ‘love’ of his mother and competes with his father is when you start the development of their sexual identity”, explains Guila Sosman.
When a child falls in love with another child is completely normal, that infatuation is not the same as felt by an adult, but that is more naive. “Upon entering the college, from pre-kindergarten, children begin socializing with peers and may indicate that you are in love with some compañerita. This infatuation is characterized by a child's attraction towards a partner with whom you feel nervous, different and special”, specifies the psychologist.
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“Parents can know if their son is in love with because it presents a behavior similar to the one that you can have an adult: he constantly speaks of a companion, he feels uneasy when you are with her, you want to see it, etc anyway, each boy or girl has particular characteristics and can have behaviors different, but the key is for parents to respect and validate the feelings that shows the guy, without ridiculizarlos or minimize them”, indicates the academic.
According to the expert, it is also not advisable to give advice of conquest or talk about adult themes or sexual with the little ones.
“Parents should not erotizar or ‘adultizar’ childhood behavior, but treat the subject taking into account the age of the child. Must not lose sight of that ‘falling in love’ teaches children to establish emotional ties with their peers, that prohibit or mean this experience as negative can influence how you will relate later as adults.”
“When a child establishes a loving relationship with someone who has a major age difference, that is to say, that it is greater in over 5 years, for example. In these cases the risk is that the older person might transgress or violate the innocence of a child who has less age”, says the specialist.
There are some general rules that can decrease the occurrence of complex situations for the development of the children. In this sense, Guila Sosman says:
- Good communication between parents and children, based on trust and respect
- set clear boundaries, not imposed by authoritarian nor too permissive.
- The objective is that mothers and fathers are present in their children's lives, attentive to any sign of trouble.